Blackberry Crisp

PANTRY COOKING
Everything has a shelf life, even a twinkie.
Cupboards and freezers have limited space.
And my brain does not do well under too much stuff.
The cupboards are too full, the freezer is too full and my pockets are close to empty.
I as a woman love to shop.
I love to spend.
I love pretty things.
But the economy is much different now.
This would be a really good time to get creative with my time and energy.
I have found that when times are frugal I do my best work.
I cook more, I clean more, I organize my life, I take more walks.

This morning I tried to organize my freezer and had no idea what some things were.
I did find beautiful blackberries that I had frozen a few months ago.
And there was sugar in the cupboard and sugar always makes me feel happy, so obviously God is speaking to me. He has guided me to blackberries and sugar and he wants me to be happy.
I can not argue with God.
Remember, God made sugar cane, the devil made fat cells.
I suppose a casserole surprise may come out of this reorganization project also, I am just not feeling quite as guided by God's hand with this thought though.

Crisps are great with their crunchy sweet buttery topping. They are quick and simple and almost any fruit normally used in pies will work perfectly. There is no rolling and no bottom crust. 40 minutes max prep and bake. Gotta love that. And all of these items are in the kitchens of any real cook or baker. Pantry cooking at its best.



BLACKBERRY CRISP
30-40 min
375 degrees
Serves 6-8

Topping
2/3 c flour
2/3 c brown sugar
1 T cinnamon
2/3 c oats
1/2 butter, cold and diced

Berries
1/2 sugar
2 T flour
6 c blackberries, fresh or frozen
2 T fresh lemon juice

Topping Instructions
In a food processor, blend flour and brown sugar.
Add oats and diced butter blending briefly, until you have a coarse mix.
Set aside.

Berry Instructions
In a small bowl, mix sugar and flour.
In a large bowl, toss berries with lemon juice.
Add sugar mixture mixture stirring gently.

Butter an 8 cup shallow baking pan, pour berries and excess sugar into, then topping over berries (you can actually use more topping in a baking pan).
If you are making individual servings then follow the same directions, dividing berries, sugar and topping evenly.
Set baking pan or ramekins on a baking sheet to catch the drips.

Bake 30-40 minutes at 375 degrees, until top is brown, crispy and bubbling. The last third of baking I take a fork and sort of break up the crumble topping a bit.
Cool 20-30 minutes.
Serve with vanilla ice cream or very lightly sweetened fresh whipped cream.


You may need to adjust the amount of sugar used with the blackberries depending on how sweet or tart they are.
It is easiest to spoon topping onto ramekins if you are using them over the bowl of topping, that way what falls off just goes back into the bowl and can be used, instead of on the floor or counter.

Diana Torte

"My woman times have started".
That is probably the funniest thing I have heard in quite a while.
It sort of makes you feel like a strong woman.
A log choppin' woman.
Livin' out of a covered wagon out on the prairie.
Spittin' chaw.
Guttin' things.

**********
P.M.S. What does it stand for?
There is a whole slew of pretty funny terms but these are my favorites.
Every one of which I have felt at one time or another.

*Plainly, Men Suck
*Pass My Shotgun
*People Make me Sick
*Putting up with Men's Shit
*Pardon My Sobbing

**********
I love this next joke because I understand it, PMS or not.
It just sometimes requires PMS to spew out the evil we are storing that normally we are too polite to say.

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One.
ONE!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a F&@k#!g light bulb.
They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.
And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!
WHY?!
BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT D@*% THE TRASH!!

I'm sorry... what did you ask me?

**********
This blog has lost all dignity today.
Damn!
Oops.

So what is your comfort food during your woman times?
Mine for the past 30 years has been a 'banana royal two scoop sundae' from Baskin Robbins with mint chocolate chip, banana, hot fudge, whipped cream, almonds and a cherry.
Works every time.

We have a little bistro in town.
This dessert is the reason I go.
It works also.

I tried making it with See's toffee more than once, which is much better in large part because of the great almonds they use, but I just ate most of the candy so there was never enough left to make the torte.
This is a great dessert for company, impressive, rich, easy, and make ahead.

DIANA TORTE
Rewritten for simplicity
From A Treasury of Great Recipes by Mary and Vincent Price
Serves 8-12

24 crisp macaroon cookies, such as 'Mothers'
1 quart chocolate ice cream, Baskin Robbins or Haagen Dazs
1 quart coffee ice cream, see above
4-8 T dark chocolate sauce, Hersheys dark syrup works well
1 1/2 c English toffee candy roughly chopped, See's or Almond Rocha(about 15 pieces)
More dark chocolate sauce
Fresh whipped cream

Lightly oil an 8 inch spring form pan.
Crush macaroon cookies and spread half on the bottom of the pan.
Slightly soften 1 quart chocolate ice cream and spread on top of the crushed macaroons.
Drizzle 2-4 T dark chocolate sauce over the ice cream.
Spread the other half of the crushed macaroons on top of the chocolate ice cream layer lightly pressing into the ice cream.
Freeze about 1 hour.
Slightly soften 1 quart of coffee ice cream and spread on top of the second layer of macaroons.
Drizzle 2-4 T dark chocolate sauce over the ice cream.
Crush 1 1/2 cups of English toffee candy and spread over the top lightly pressing into the ice cream.
Freeze approximately 4-5 hours or until very firm.

To serve
Set at room temperature about 10 minutes.
Loosen the sides of the spring form pan and run a knife around the sides.
Place on a large round serving platter.
Leave at room temperature for approximately 10-15 minutes before slicing and serving.

This is 'before' adding a last drizzle of dark chocolate syrup.

Drizzle a little chocolate sauce onto each plate and place a slice of torte on top or drizzle the sauce on top of each slice.
A bit of whipped cream of course.
Chocolate curls if you like (I like).
And the best hot coffee you can make.

And this is 'after'.
I think the photo speaks for itself.
However, for those on a diet, you can skip this part.

This freezes well for about a week, just wrap very well.

S'mores and Urban Dictionary

Chocolate wafers, sweet strawberry, dark chocolate, toasted marshmallow....


Have you ever looked up normal words on Urban Dictionary?
S'mores Whores.

"People from other campsites who come by your campsite to mooch your campfood from you."

Fluffy and sweet as a sugar cloud, which these marshmallows were.
"Did you know that 'sweet as' is the second most common phrase in New Zealand after 'awesome'. Said when something is rather good instead of just 'good' or 'OK'. Often followed by 'bro'. yeah, my night was sweet as, got on the piss with some mates and sung karaoke... badly"
How fun is that? I want to go to New Zealand and learn how to speak so no one knows what in the hell I am saying.
Marshmallow fluff....
"The answer to life, the universe, and everything that has ever been created."
They should teach this stuff in school. I would have paid a lot more attention.

Anyways, as part of the birthday celebration for my Dads 75th, more on that later, we were having a fire pit in the evening. And fire pits and s'mores just go together. 'Duh'! Which means "No shit sherlock" and/or "Thank you captain obvious", I always did love the saying 'no shit Sherlock'.
But this was a classy crowd, never mind the bottle of missing vodka we found in the bushes the next morning, so classy s'mores were called for.

Triple ginger thins, ghirardelli milk chocolate caramel, toasted marshmallow....


Homemade marshmallows
Chocolate wafer cookies
Triple ginger thins
Butter almond thins
And cinnamon grahams, the last three being from Trader Joes.
Dark chocolate
Milk chocolate
Ghirardelli milk chocolate caramel squares
Sliced sweet strawberries
Sliced ripe bananas
And a container of baby wipes for sticky fingers, faces and whatever else.

Now these are not your normal trailer trash s'mores.
These are party s'mores, glamping s'mores.





I have made marshmallows before but used a different recipe this time from Smitten Kitchen. These seem to melt quicker than store bought ones when roasted over a fire and are more delicate so a 2 pronged roasting stick helps keep them still so you can roast all sides.

SPRINGY, FLUFFY MARSHMALLOWS
Rewritten for simplicity
Makes about 96 1-inch cubed marshmallows

1-2 c confectioners’ sugar, sifted
3 1/2 envelopes unflavored gelatin
1 c cold water, divided
2 c granulated sugar
1/2 c light corn syrup
1/4 t salt
2 large egg whites
1 T vanilla

Oil bottom and sides of a 13- by 9- by 2-inch rectangular metal baking pan and dust bottom and sides with some confectioners’ sugar.

In a medium bowl beat egg whites until they just hold stiff peaks, refrigerate. Rinse beaters.

In bowl of a standing electric mixer or in a large bowl sprinkle gelatin over 1/2 cup cold cold water, and let stand to soften.

In a 3-quart heavy saucepan cook granulated sugar, corn syrup, second 1/2 cup of cold water, and salt over low heat, stirring with a wooden spoon, until sugar is dissolved.
Increase heat to moderate and boil mixture, without stirring, until a candy or digital thermometer registers 240°F, about 12 minutes.
Remove pan from heat and pour sugar mixture over gelatin mixture, stirring with wooden spoon until gelatin is dissolved.

With standing or a hand-held electric mixer beat mixture on high speed until white, thick, and nearly tripled in volume, about six minutes if using standing mixer or about 10 minutes if using hand-held mixer.

Beat vanilla into sugar mixture.
Beat in egg whites until just combined.
Pour mixture into baking pan.
Sift 1/4-1/2 cup confectioners sugar evenly over top.
Chill marshmallow, uncovered, until firm, at least three hours, and up to one day.

Run a thin knife around edges of pan (dipping the knife into very hot water between cuts) and invert pan onto a large cutting board making sure the confectioners sugar is between the cutting board and the marshmallow so it doesn't stick.
Lifting up one corner of inverted pan, with fingers loosen marshmallow and ease onto cutting board.
With a large knife trim edges of marshmallow and cut marshmallow into roughly one-inch cubes.
Sift remaining confectioners’ sugar back into your now-empty baking pan, and roll the marshmallows through it, on all six sides, before shaking off the excess and packing them away.

Do ahead: Marshmallows keep in an airtight container at cool room temperature 1 week.

Marshmallows, white as snow, set and before cutting.

Schmandkuchen

Schmandkuchen. That's fun to say.

I don't remember how I found 'At Home With Kim Vallee', but I absolutely love her blog. Check it out, it is stylish, inspiring and fun. Kim wrote about Schmandkuchen that a friend of hers had made for Easter. I have made a pear kuchen so I knew that kuchen was German for cake and I learned that schmand is a custard/cream/cheese filling, sort of. That was all I needed to know. Fattening? I'm in. I have seen it done with berries, apricots or oranges. You can find Bettina's original recipe here.

I was home sick for over a week with the sore throat from hell.
This is my return to the world of the living.
Cake.
People like people who bring cake.
Yes you can buy love.
Or at least bake it.

This is as close as I could get to Bettina's recipe. Go to the recipe link above to see the real version. I had to make do with what is available locally and adjust from metric and figure out what size pan was large and deep from the photo and also what I had in my cupboards. I ended up using a 10" spring form pan (wrong).
Vanilla custard powder? Nope. I had a choice of Dr Oetker flan or creme brulee. Creme brulee seemed closest to custard
Quark cheese? Never gonna happen. Mascarpone is a decent substitute. Available? Not today. Cream cheese will have to do.
It is an easy cake to make, just finding the ingredients can be a bit difficult in small towns. Make this early in the day and then chill. This is a rustic/family dessert. My favorite part is the creamy filling with the fruit.


BERRY SCHMANDKUCHEN

Ingredients
Cake batter:
1 cube soft butter
1 c sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 c flour, rounded

Schmand filling
1 c milk
1 c heavy cream
Dr. Oetker creme brulee mix
1/2 c sugar (or to taste)
7 oz crème fraîche
8 oz mascarpone
or cream cheese, room temperature, and 1/2 cup sour cream
2 egg yolks

Topping
2 pints strawberries
2 pints raspberries
2 pints of blackberries
Danish Dessert fruit glaze

Instructions
Pre-heat oven to 355 degrees

Cake batter
Mix the soft butter with the sugar until you get a creamy consistency.
Add the eggs one by one until well blended.
Add vanilla.
Fold the baking powder into the flour and sift into the mixture.
Grease a large, deep baking pan and spread the batter evenly until the entire bottom is covered (about the thickness of a thumb).
Pre-bake the base for 15 minutes.
Take the cake base out of the oven and let cool in the baking pan.

Schmand
Prepare the Dr. Oetker creme brulee according to the instructions.
Let it cool a bit.
Mix the crème fraîche with the mascarpone, or with the cream cheese and sour cream.
Add the cooled creme brulee and the two egg yolks.
Add sugar to taste.
Leave the base in the baking pan and spread the Schmand evenly on the base.

Topping
Wash and drain the fruit,
Cut the strawberries in half lengthwise if they are big.
Cover the Schmand with the berries.
Put the baking tray back in the oven for another 15 minutes.
I forgot and baked the glaze also, and it turned out just fine.

Finishing
Once the cake has completely cooled make the fruit glaze with water or juice according to directions.
Pour the fruit glaze evenly across the cake.
Chill.
If you use a spring form pan I think it would work better for a half recipe.
Also use a knife around the edge before you un-clamp the pan.


In conclusion, my pan was deep enough but not large enough, there were some adjustments I had to make which I will spare you the details. Let's just say that deciding to make a cake at 8pm on Sunday, in a messy (not dirty) kitchen, after a late Saturday night at a karaoke bar and having gone to work at 6am on 5 hours of sleep, is not the best idea. Oh, and I also baked the glaze with the fruit instead of pouring it on after. I obviously need some sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Schmand is a dairy product, which is manufactured by fermentation of the cream by different Lactobazillus cultures, a variety of sour cream similar to creme fraiche. It usually contains at least 20% fat. http://en.petitchef.com/

Love Is All You Need

Think of Valentines day as the Super Bowl for women.
We are girls.
If you are a boy and don't want to be romantic, then marry a boy.
Otherwise bring on the bon bons and kisses.

I personally would rather have creative romance than a gift.
Creative romance takes a lot of thought and feels so much more loving.
Gifts are cool too.
Especially big sparkley ones.
Or 5 pounds of Godiva chocolates.
Or beautiful lingerie.
Or a pretty Range Rover.
But plan a romantic dinner in the snow under the moonlight with a bonfire, I am yours.
Write me a love letter like men used to when they were away at war, I am smitten forever.
Blindfold me and....oops, I can't write that here.

Back to Valentines day. Yesterday.
Sophia is my valentine of course (see fluffy white photo on the right).
One day, perhaps there will be a human one.
But Sophia can't eat sweets because she is shall we say, extra fluffy.
That means that most of these went to work.
Either that or I become extra fluffy too.

The cupcake recipe began here and ended up quite different. With so many egg whites in this batter it is somewhat like an angel food cake. They smell lovely baking and the cake is dense and lemony.
Filling the cupcakes is not hard to do although I did a different method this time. The recipe is from Giada de Laurentiis and is so creamy and luscious with a bit leftover, perhaps for some crepes. The filling is the reason for making these and could actually just be used on each other to make Valentines day even more fun.
And the frosting is a bit tart, which you can vary by how much lemon and powdered sugar you choose. I like it a little tart which I think works well with the filling and cake.


LEMON ANGEL CAKES WITH STRAWBERRY MASCARPONE FILLING
makes 24 cupcakes

3 c cake flour
2 t baking powder
8 large egg whites
1/4 c sugar
1 1/2 c (3 sticks) butter, room temperature
2 c sugar
1/2 t pure vanilla extract
1/2 c fresh lemon juice
Zest from 2 lemons
1/2 c half and half

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Line two standard 12-cup muffin pans with paper liners.
Finely zest 4 lemons and set aside (some will be used in the frosting).
Then juice the lemons, strain and set aside.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder.
In another clean medium bowl, beat egg whites on low speed until foamy.
With mixer running, gradually add 1/4 cup sugar; beat on high speed until stiff, glossy peaks form, about 4 minutes, and increased to about 4 cups, set aside in refridgerator.
In a large bowl, beat butter and 2 cups sugar until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes, scraping down sides of the bowl as needed.
Add vanilla to butter mixture.
With mixer on low speed, add flour mixture to the butter sugar mixture in three parts, alternating first with the flour, then the lemon juice, then the zest, then flour, then half and half and ending with the flour; beat until just combined, set aside. This will be a fairly heavy batter.
Gently fold 1/3 of the egg-white mixture into the butter-flour mixture until combined.
Gently fold in remaining egg-white mixture.
Divide batter evenly among the muffin cups, until cups are 2/3 filled.
Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until the cupcakes are golden brown, 20 to 25 minutes.
Invert cupcakes onto wire rack; then reinvert and let cool completely, top sides up.
If the batter is overfilled the cupcakes may stick to the pan a little. Use a rubber spatula and gently release them.

When completely cooled, begin to fill cupcakes with strawberry mascarpone filling.


FILLING
2 8oz container mascarpone cheese
1 c fresh strawberries or thawed and drained frozen strawberries
1/2 c sugar
2 T lemon juice

In a food processor combine the mascarpone cheese, strawberries, sugar and lemon juice.
Process the mixture until smooth.
Chill about 2o minutes if it is too runny.
Using a melon baller or a serrated spoon, cut a hole through the top of the cupcake making a reasonable size space for the filling, saving the cut tops.
With a spoon, fill the hole almost to the top.
Replace a slice of the cut top piece to sort of seal the tops.
Proceed with frosting.

Below is the way I normally fill cupcakes but this cupcake recipe was too dense for this method and does not expand and open up a space.
*Chill the strawberry mixture for 20 minutes if it is a bit runny.
Transfer the mixture to a pastry bag fitted with a small-medium tip.
Push the tip gently through the top and almost to the bottom of a cupcake and squeeze in the strawberry mixture until the cupcake plumps but before it cracks.
Continue with the remaining cupcakes.


LEMON BUTTERCREAM FROSTING

2 sticks butter, room temperature
2 1/2-3 c confectioners sugar
1/2 t vanilla
4-6 T fresh lemon juice
Zest of 2 lemons

With an electric mixer, beat butter until light and fluffy.
On medium speed, beat in confectioners sugar, 1/2 cup at a time until you have added 2 1/2 cups, beating well after each addition and scraping down bowl as necessary, add more as necessary.
Mix in 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract.
Then lemon juice.
Increase speed to high, and beat until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes.
Then lemon zest beating briefly.
Frost cupcakes with buttercream, piping or swirling to cover.

Chill the cupcakes for 20 minutes, but remove before serving.


I did figure out that if you use the sawtooth piping tip there is a lot more room for error thankfully.

Butterscotch-Pecan Bars with Caramel Drizzle

Back to after Christmas sales at the supermarket.
I have now worked there for 32 years, 3 months and 16 days.
I remind the world of that statistic quite often.
I sooo need a life!!!
Anyways, there were cookies on clearance for $1.
Not great cookies.
But okay cookies.
I ate a few but they weren't really worth the calories. Like I really care about calories.
I didn't mention I bought 4 containers did I.
I threw the cookies in the food processor, thought of yucky ex's, hit the on button and watched them be ripped and slashed to shreds by the sharp blades of Cuisinart death.
Just kidding.
Or am I?
Makes you wonder, if you are a yucky ex that is.
See, this is why women eat chocolate.
It's chocolate or valium.


These are the unworthy cookies.
But put the crumbs in freezer containers, add butter or cinnamon or maybe finely grated citrus peel, and you have something quite worthy for a great crust for cheesecake, or a base for bar cookies, or buttered and toasted for over desserts, etc. when you need it..
I have done this before with other cookies that just weren't up to par.
I do the same with leftover bread.
Slash and pack.
Where's the chocolate?

Yes, I would rather bake than cook. I like to cook but love to bake. There is more of a reward from baking. It is sort of like when you go shopping for something to wear. Cooking results in an outfit. Baking results in jewelry. I personally would rather be naked wearing diamonds.

Now, I mostly only eat chocolate so how do I describe these?
Short and sweet....
OMG!
MAKE THEM!

BUTTERSCOTCH-PECAN BARS WITH CARAMEL DRIZZLE
Adapted just a little from Chocolatier
32 bars (they say) I say cut them how you want

For the bar cookies
8 T butter, melted
1 1/2 c cookie crumbs
1 1/2 c pecan pieces
1 1/2 t vanilla extract
1 c butterscotch chips
1 1/2 c sweetened shredded coconut
1 c Eagle sweetened condensed milk

For the caramel drizzle
1/4 lb caramels, about 13, unwrapped
1 T plus 1 t milk
1/4 t vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 dregrees.
Lightly coat a 10" x 10" (or comparable) pan with nonstick spray.
Pour the melted butter in the pan and tilt to cover the bottom with butter.
Sprinkle cookie crumbs evenly over butter and lightly press down to absorb butter into cookie crumbs.
Toss the pecan pieces with vanilla extract and then spread over the crumb crust.
Then spread the butterscotch chips over the pecans.
Then the coconut.
Evenly pour the condensed milk over the coconut.
Bake for 30 minutes until light golden on top.
Cool.


For the caramel drizzle.
Place the unwrapped caramels and milk in a small saucepan over low heat.
Cook slowly, stirring once the caramels begin to melt.
When completely melted, blend thoroughly.
Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract.
With a spoon, drizzle the caramel quickly and lightly over the cooled bar cookies.
Let stand for 1 hour until completely set.


Cut with a sharp knife.
You can store them in an airtight container, preferably in one layer or with waxed paper in between. Or do like I do, leave them in the pan, cover with plastic wrap, keep a fork in the pan and have a bite every time you walk past.

Chocolate, Mmm

After Christmas sales.
Gotta love em'.
Mark downs galore.
Prices slashed.
Women fighting over the shattered remains.
I am not speaking of the mall.
I am at the basket of reduced Christmas cookies and candies in the supermarket.
Chocolate....
Yes, it can bring out the bitch in any woman.
Don't give her enough chocolate and her endorphin and serotonin levels do not create that relaxed and euphoric feeling that every man hopes his wife feels.
Take away her sugar fix and her sweetness is taken over by her evil twin Wifezilla.
Keep her from shopping the after Christmas madness and you are denying her the right to fight to the death over the last bag of Cadbury mini eggs.
Yeah, that one was me.
After Christmas sales are sort of the women's form of Ultimate Fighting Championship.
There is nothing that compares to bragging about the great deal you got and see your friend hang her head in shame because she paid too much.
Don't get me wrong, it is much, much, much better when you get to brag about your wonderful husband who gave you the most beautiful 4 carat diamond for Christmas complete with tears in his eyes over how much he loves you.
Oh wait, I don't have a husband.
I do live in a great fantasy world though.
But we are talking about after Christmas sales here.
I got the only bag of Cadbury mini eggs, the ones that used to come out only at Easter.
Lookie....

Mmm!
These suckers are sooo good!!!!

Photo credits are from here and here, I didn't have anything left to photograph.

Oops & mmm.
Anyways, I ate them 4 at a time, over and over and over.
Oh my.
And I then I shared them so the other women would be endorphined and serotonined too.
Yes, we women share once we have had enough to begin to feel the effects and our nice self emerges again.
Now, these come out at Easter which is where they originated in my world, so keep your eyes open.
And your mouth.
You'll thank me.

I Want Candy

"You like sugar don't you?
Is there sugar in syrup?
Then YES!"
From Elf


God made sugar.
The devil made fat and diabetes.
That is why I love God.
Well one reason among a bajillion more reasons.

I don't usually bake and such around the holidays. I just come home and collapse from 8 hours at the supermarket where I have worked for 33 Christmas's. But candy isn't always too difficult and you get to eat all the edges. See's Maple Pecan bon bon's are one of my favorites, well See's in general is one of my favorites. So when I saw this on David Lebovitz, I knew I had to make them. After 3 batches I gave up trying to get these to not be grainy, then I remembered that maple sugar candy is grainy.


Then of course toffee. Is toffee a need or a want? I say it is a need. I need protein, nuts have protein (don't forget chocolate comes from a cocoa BEAN). I need calcium, butter is dairy. I need fiber, sugar comes from a plant. Oh oh, and almonds help fight belly fat, so there.

And peppermint fudge from here.


And fudge truffles, but alas, no recipe for them.

~~~~~~~~~~

GIOVANNA'S MAPLE CREAMS
Adapted to simplify directions
About 36, depending on how big you cut them

1 c pure maple syrup (labeled "Dark amber")
2 c sugar
1 c heavy cream
2 T light corn syrup
1/2 t vanilla extract
1 c walnut or pecan pieces, toasted

1. Lightly oil a 9- by 9-inch square pan.

2. In a small heavy-duty saucepan (about 2 quarts) mix together the maple syrup, sugar, cream, and corn syrup.
Fit a candy thermometer to the side of the pan and heat until the temperature reaches 236F temperature.

3. Remove the pan from the heat and transfer the mixture into the metal bowl of a standing electric mixer. Submerge the thermometer in the candy mixture until it has cooled to 110F, which will take a while.

4. When the temperature is 110F, add the vanilla and beat the mixture until it just begins to thicken and loose its gloss. Overmixing will make it grainy, so keep an eye on it.

5. Stir in the nuts and spread the mixture into the square pan, patting it in flat with your (clean) hands.

6. Allow to cool completely, then remove from the pan and cut into squares.

7. To remove it from a square pan, run a sharp knife around the inside of the pan to loosen it, then cut it in half.
Use a metal spatula to pry the candy loose a bit (it will be flexible).
Invert the pan a shake it to coax the maple cream candy out.
Cut into squares.
~~~~~~~~~~

BUTTERCRUNCH TOFFEE
Adapted to simplify directions
The Perfect Scoop, David Lebovitz

1 c almonds, toasted and finely chopped
1 T water
4 T butter, salted or unsalted butter, cut into pieces
1/2 c granulated sugar
2 T packed light or dark brown sugar
1/8 t baking soda
1/2 t vanilla
1/2 c chocolate chips, or 3 oz bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped

Using half of the chopped almonds, form an 8-inch circle in an even layer on an ungreased baking sheet.

Fit a small, heavy-duty saucepan with a candy thermometer, then add the water, butter, granulated sugar, and brown sugar, mixing them together.

Have the baking soda and vanilla measured and ready.

Cook the mixture over medium heat, stirring as little as possible.

When the mixture reaches 300F, remove the pan from the heat and immediately stir in the baking soda and vanilla. Mix just until combined; don’t overstir.

Right away, pour the hot toffee mixture over the circle of almonds on the baking sheet.

Using as little movement as possible, spread the toffee to cover the circle.

Scatter the chocolate pieces over the toffee and wait 2 minutes to allow them to melt.
Use a spatula to spread the chocolate into an even layer, then scatter the remaining chopped almonds on top, pressing them into the chocolate. Cool completely until the chocolate is firm.
Depending on the temperature of your kitchen, you may need to cool it in the refrigerator.
Remove it once the chocolate has hardened.
~~~~~~~~~~

I love Chinese take out boxes for the candy gifts, they just make it more fun. The ties were a garland that I cut, they look like snowballs or the tie from a hat or sweater and these boxes have snowflakes to match.


I wish everyone the most blessed Christmas.

Candie's Banana Creme

Ooohhh...
What is this?


Could it be?
Yes, yes, yes it is.


Banana pudding.
White trash cooking at its best.
Banana pudding is sort of in the same category as jello molds and rice krispy treats.
You feel guilty because it is so easy but also heroic because everyone loves it.
So here we go.
Perfect for 4th of July or potlucks (the pictures are of individual ones I made).
This feeds a huge crowd.
Huge.
Huge belly's will happen, count on it.
3 - 9" X 13" pans or one roasting pan.
Candy was the meanest woman I have ever known, but a pretty good cook, this came from her.

CANDIE'S BANANA CREME

1 large instant banana pudding
1 pint heavy cream
1 can Eagle brand sweetened condensed milk
3 large instant vanilla pudding
9 cups milk
1 16 ounce cool whip
3 boxes vanilla wafers
5 pounds bananas

First, place the unopened can of sweetened condensed milk in a bowl of hot water.
In a medium mixing bowl, blend the banana pudding and heavy cream together, then place in freezer for 5 minutes.
In a really, really big mixing bowl, blend the vanilla pudding together.
Remove the banana pudding from the freezer and blend in the warm sweetened condensed milk.
Add this mix to the vanilla pudding.
Blend the cool whip into the pudding mixture.
Layer the pan with the vanilla wafers, pudding, bananas, then repeat.


I have also added layers of toffee pieces, marshmallows, and chocolate shavings, not all at once of course but who knows.

Banana Rum Bread Pudding

Break bread.
To share food humbly.
Daily bread.
Sustenance from God.
Bread.
60's/70's rock band.
Bread.
Hippie term for money.
Bred.
Sex.
Oops!
Okay...
Old bread.
Crumbs, croutons, french toast and bread pudding.
There is more but these are my favorites.


BANANA RUM BREAD PUDDING

4 stale croissants or good bread
3 c half and half
3 eggs
1 c sugar
1 T vanilla
1 t freshly grated nutmeg
1 t cinnamon
2 T dark rum
3 large ripe bananas, lightly mashed

Preheat oven to 350.
Slice the croissants into 1/2" pieces and then again into 1-2" chuncks.
Place into a buttered it in a baking dish (I used a souffle type).
In a separate bowl, beat together the half and half, eggs, sugar, vanilla, spices and rum.
Mash the bananas lightly and combine all ingredients together.
Pour over croissant pieces, stirring gently a few times.
Let mixture soak 30-45 minutes.
Bake at 325 degrees for 75 minutes or until edges are golden and toothpick inserted into the center comes out nearly clean.
Let the pudding set until just warm 20-30 minutes.


Banana Rum Sauce

3 T butter
3 T dark rum
3 T dark brown sugar
2 T butter
1 banana diced
1 c toasted pecan pieces (I forgot this time)

In a small sauce pan melt the 3T butter, rum and dark brown sugar.
Raise heat to medium high and bring to a boil.
Remove from heat.
In a frying pan, melt 2T butter, then bring heat to high.
Quickly caramelize the banana pieces in this pan.
Add rum sauce to bananas and remove from heat.
Stir gently.

Serve bread pudding with rum sauce, whipped cream, chocolate shavings if desired.
And my personal favorite...ice cold milk in a glass.
Serves 8

Russian Cream

I love Easter. The bunny, the eggs, the candy, family and dinner, all of it. But especially the part about the sacrifice.
I am humbled by Christ.
I wish many sweet blessings upon all of you and those you love.
Happy Easter!

I am celebrating Easter with a few thousand people tomorrow. I really am quite popular if you didn't already know. People will line up to wait for a moment of my time.

I will be working in the Express Lane for your shopping pleasure.

Something my family has made often for Easter and Spring affairs is Russian Cream. It came from Sunset Favorite Recipes quite a few years ago. This is easy and perfect with strawberries or crisp lemon cookies. It is pretty when molded but quickly looks fairly tore up once everyone figures out how good it is. Just a spoonful on a berry and mmm. You can make individual ones if you prefer for dessert or a tea or shower. It always seems to take the guys a while to get to this and we ladies have sort of attacked it so they really don't get their fair share. Snooze = lose.


RUSSIAN CREAM
3/4 c sugar
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/2 c water
1 c heavy cream
1 1/2 c sour cream
1 t vanilla

5 baskets strawberries

In a small pan, mix the sugar and gelatin.
Add the water and mix.
Let set for 5 minutes.
Bring to a full boil while stirring, careful not to boil over.
Remove from heat.
Let cool.
Add the heavy cream to the gelatin and mix.
In a medium bowl mix sour cream and vanilla.
Add the gelatin mixture to the sour cream and blend.
Pour into a lightly sprayed 4 cup mold.
Chill for about 4-5 hours.
Serve with strawberries and/or crisp lemon cookies.

Coconut Almond Fudge Bars

It was time for some baking. I have been devouring crappy sweets at work, AKA grocery store, and, really it all sort of sucks big time.
So what to make, what to make?
This....gooey and rich and yummy.
Yes, my own creation.
Applause is accepted.
And money.
Or winning lottery tickets.
Or rich wonderful husbands (not yours of course).
Islands.
Bentley's.

COCONUT ALMOND FUDGE BARS

1 1/2 cubes of butter
1/2 c sugar
3 c grahm cracker crumbs
7 oz jar of marshmallow fluff
16 oz jar of hot fudge
Large bag of sweetend coconut
1 can sweetened condensed milk, warm can in hot water
1/4 c butter
1 1/2 c almonds, slivered, sliced or chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Melt 1 1/2 cubes of butter.
Add sugar and blend.
Add grahm cracker crumbs and blend.
Press into parchment lined 11x15" baking pan.
Warm marshmallow fluff in microwave in 15 second increments till easily spreadable.
Carefully spread over grahm crust.
Warm hot fudge in microwave for 1 minute.
Carefully spread fudge over marshmallow.
Sprinkle coconut on top.
Pour warmed sweetened condensed milk evenly over coconut.
Bake 25 minutes until coconut begins to brown.
Melt 1/4 cup of butter.
Toss almond in butter.
Sprinkle almonds on top.
Bake 20 minutes more until almonds begin to brown.
Remove and cool.
Cut into squares.


Now is there not enough stuff on there?

Lemon Sour Cream Glazed Iced Pound Cake

How's that for a title?

Spring is coming. I have faith. I believe. I trust.
I love spring and fall. I hate summer and winter.
My Dad says I need to be more Zen about life.
Zen shmen.
Cold is good if you have a cabin and can ski. Hot is good if you have a yacht and a pool and a pool boy named Julio. Otherwise...it sucks being cold and it sucks being hot. But it is perfect in spring and fall.

I love citrus.
It seems sunshiny.
Citrus is fresh, clean, light and juicy.
Love the taste, love the smell.
I don't love the burn when it squirts in my eye though.
Citrus works for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, dessert, taco truck.
You can drink citrus. Think orange juice, grapefruit juice, lemonade, limeade, and then you can add the naughty stuff for fun drinks with parasols and twists and blurry vision.

So why am I babbling? Because I like to. That, and a sweet older gentleman customer gave me a bunch of lemons and grapefruit. What a love. 'Gentleman customer', now that sort of makes me sound like a little whore doesn't it? Oops!

My very favorite cookies in the whole world are at Alexis Baking Company in Napa, California. One of my wonderful sisters lives there so I visit a few times a year and I almost always stop by ABC, usually on the way home. They make a lemon cookie that is crisp and light with a lemon icing. I can never remember the actual name but they remind me of lemon clouds. I buy every one on the platter. I don't even care what they cost. I take them all. I am searching for a lemon cookie recipe like them but until then the craving must be met. So lemon sour cream glazed iced pound cake it is. With extra lemon. Ahhh, that ought to do it. Oh and if you get to Napa, go to ABC. It is somewhere downtown, right by a (blue?) church, maybe on a one way street and next to a liquor store. I swear I always go there but I have to drive around a little till I find it. It is casual and very local, great breakfast and lunch and baked goods. They should pay me for this.

This cake is dense and moist and very lemony. I upped the juice, upped the zest, upped the recipe. There is juice and zest in the cake, juice in the glaze and juice and zest in the icing.
This is a mix of two recipes from Bon Appetit. It's two, two, two cakes in one.
Don't forget, I simplify... c= cup t=teaspoon T=Tablespoon

LEMON SOUR CREAM GLAZED ICED POUND CAKE
8-10 servings

stuff
3 c cake flour
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 c (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
3 c sugar
6 eggs, room temperature
1/2 c fresh lemon juice, no bottled stuff!
2 T fresh grated lemon zest
1 c sour cream

fix
Preheat oven to 325°F.
Grease 16-cup tube pan.
Dust pan with cake flour; tap out excess flour.

Sift flour, baking soda and salt into medium bowl.
Using electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl at medium speed until fluffy.
Gradually add sugar and beat 5 minutes.
Add eggs 1 at a time, beating just until combined after each addition.
Beat in lemon juice and peel.
Using rubber spatula, mix in dry ingredients.
Mix in sour cream.
Transfer batter to prepared pan.

Bake cake until tester inserted near center comes out clean, about 1 hour 30 minutes.

glaze stuff
1/2 c sugar
3/4 c fresh lemon juice

While the cake bakes, make the glaze.
In a small bowl mix the sugar and lemon juice together, stirring occasionally until sugar dissolves.

Let cake cool in pan on rack 15 minutes.
Loosen around cake in pan with a butter knife etc..
Carefully turn out cake onto a rack.
Poke holes with a long skewer.
While the cake is still warm, slowly spoon or brush glaze over it letting it soak into cake.

icing stuff
1 1/2 c powdered sugar
2-3 T fresh lemon juice, more or less as desired
1 T fresh grated lemon zest

This is just a basic icing.
After the cake has been glazed and cooled, mix the powdered sugar and lemon juice together until it is the tart/sweet blend that you want and has a smooth consistency.
Drizzle over the cake.

No I didn't wait till it was cool. It was just a little warm. A little warm and icing means drippy icing and not pretty picture. I don't care, it tasted perfect.

Make this, it will not disappoint.

Baked Pears In Cream

I think I prefer baked pears to baked apples. The taste is a little more delicate. Lighter. I know I like my pear crisp better than apple crisp. And yes I will make it, but another time seeing as I only have 2 pears on hand. This is from one of the Silver Palate cookbooks, either the red or the white one, regular or Good Times, I can't remember because I tore out what I liked best and tossed the rest. I saved a lot so really I may as well have just kept the books then I could even tell you which book.

And now I can't find the actual recipe but I think I have it right. Why did I throw out those books again? Oh regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few too mention...yes it's from Frank.

Okay this is so simple, so fattening but light, and oh so good. Which means yay, who cares, and yum.
4 ingredients.

And do use d'anjou pears, they really work the best, not too firm, not too mush, and great flavor. These are nice because the most work is peeling and coring the pears so it doesn't take much time away from family or friends and they really are nice enough for company.

BAKED PEARS WITH CREAM
From the Silver Palate

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

D'anjou pears, ripe, 1 per person
Butter
Sugar
Cream, yes the good stuff - heavy

Peel the pears, cut in half and core them.
Place them in a single layer, cut side down, in a baking dish to fit how many you are making.
Sprinkle 1 T sugar per pear on top.
Add 1 T butter per pear to pan.
Bake for 20 minutes, basting a few times.
Remove from oven and add 2 T cream per pear.
Bake for 15-20 minutes more, basting again, until the cream is bubbling and thick.
Set pears on serving plates.
Use an immersion blender or regular blender to smooth the sauce if you like, then pour sauce over pears.

If your pears are large or you would like this a little sweeter or more sauce then double the sugar, butter and cream amounts.
You could add a little scraped vanilla bean or vanilla sugar, or a little cinnamon if you like in the beginning.
If you want the cream thicker, remove the pears to serving plates and put the cream back in the oven for a few minutes.
The pears are perfect on their own and don't need ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate, rasberries or caramel etc. but who am I to put limits on you?


Show me love now.

Oh yeah. When it is just me, I lick the sauce.

Scone, Scon, Scoon

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Have you ever noticed, Amber, that the only difference between "think" and "thank" is one letter?

I haven't decided what that means, but it's got to be absolutely HUGE.
Tallyho, The Universe

Two words you just don't want to leave home without, Amber."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have been receiving these emails for a few years now and I adore them. They arrive M-F and have put a smile on my face so many times. They are free, so if you like this, here is the link and they do keep your info private.

I think I will be thankful today.

I have a half pint of heavy cream in the refrigerator with todays date and I have the day off and the sun is shining. 3 things to be thankful for at this very moment, wow. So what to make with heavy cream? Scones of course. Duh.


This came from Design Crush which got it from yumsugar which evidently modified it from Baking Bites. There. I think I covered everyone. Anyway, of course it is February in the North Hemi and not much is in season so I used dried apricots instead of fresh figs or strawberries in the recipe and of course heavy cream instead of milk. Again...Duh.

Yumsugar had the best title for scones..."Everybody must get Scones". Imagine Bob Dylan singing at your breakfast table. That would be way too cool.
'But I would not be so all alone. Everybody must get sconed'.
Ha ha.

DRIED APRICOT & GOAT CHEESE SCONES

Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 T baking powder
1/2 t salt
4-6 t sugar
1/3 c butter, chilled and cut into small pieces
1/2 c heavy cream, 1/2 & 1/2 or milk
1/2 c crumbled goat cheese
3/4 c dried apricots, chopped

Directions
Preheat oven to 400°F.
Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Place the crumbled goat cheese in the freezer, this keeps it from becoming too mushed and blended when mixed in.
Combine flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar.
Gently add in butter and toss to coat.
Place the flour/butter mixture in the freezer for 20 minutes.

Using your finger tips, crush the butter into the flour mixture until it resembles crumbles.
Add about 1/2 cup cream and stir gently, adding additional cream if necessary, until dough comes together into a slightly sticky ball.
Mix the apricots and goat cheese in gently by hand.

For a more traditional scone shape, place dough on prepared baking sheet and press down into a disc that is about 1-inch thick.
Lightly brush the top with cream.
Use a sharp knife to cut dough into 6 or 8 triangles.


Separate slightly on the parchment covered baking pan, giving them room to spread, and place pan in the oven.


Bake for 15-20 minutes, until scones are light gold on top.
Let cool on a wire rack before serving.
Scones can be served warm or at room temperature.
Or...For a drop biscuit-like form, make 2-inch balls of dough, placed on the cookie and flattened to 1-inch thickness.
Makes 12 drop-style scones.


I only made 1/2 the above recipe because it is just me, and yes I could eat the whole thing butt... yes that is how I meant to spell it.

Thankful for...
3 children
Sophie
3 sisters
1 brother, finally
1 dad
2 moms
girlfriends
sunshine, storms, stars, moonlight, light, dark, wind, stillness, clouds, air, water
days off, a job