Monday, December 21, 2009

Work Christmas Parties

Darlene and me. Wait, who snuck in the picture. We actually had no idea Kevin was there.

Years ago, in a time far far far away, I had my first sort of professional job. The Christmas party was a dinner dance for the Bank I worked for. Shock would put it lightly as I watched the people above me that I called Mrs. or Mr. get snockered off their suit and tie tushies and flirt/more with each other. I was wide eyed and 18. Not naive mind you, but these were mommies and daddies, these were people who could! I never looked at them the same at work after that.

When I began working at the supermarket, 32 years, 2 months and 5 days ago, it was pretty casual. You just don't expect much out of people who are covered in blood from cutting up dead animals and the rest of us who open boxes and punch prices. Once at the end of the party or the next morning we found a checker asleep behind the couch with one of the baggers and a low manager in the bushes. Now that was a party.

Another one included dinner at a restaurant and being asked to leave because we got into a food fight with another table. Evidently some people at our table also thought the salt and pepper shakers were party favors to take home. It was a fun night and the only time I have been kicked out of a place.

This year, bowling. Now I am not a bowling fan. It reminds me of Fred 'Twinkle Toes' Flinstone and I have issues from an ex who bowled, drank too much and flirted with trashy cocktail waitresses with me right there. The ones who wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed (it's an old country song). You understand about issues I assume. It is still an interesting crowd that a bowling alley attracts, sort of like roller skating rinks. Early on it was teens with not enough to do that reminded me of being a very lost teen myself at one time. Later there were a lot of, shall we say, not very feminine women. Now I don't have a problem with someones sexual tendencies, but I don't think it will be a place I will hang out at alone at night in the dark. Bowling is a little more cool now, they turn the lights down and have pretty moving lights down the sides of the lane, decent party music, a little light show and smoke. Smoke wasn't cool, it just looked foggy. I didn't take pics of the food because I was eating. Eating fried. Fried tater tots, fried onion rings, fried poppers, fried chicken strips, fried mozzarella, fried spicy chicken pieces and not fried quesadillas. And of course there was beer and tequila, though not for me this night. This turned out to be really fun, what with people stealing balls just as they were being thrown, bowling 2 at once in the same lane, sumo belly bounces, yeah, I like this group. I may actually bowl one day.

I am a fan of Stephen Lynch and he sings 'Bowling Song (Almighty Malachi Professional Bowling God). His songs can be a little crude but they are hilarious. If you get offended don't google him, actually don't look at the photos here, nothing x rated but definitely a tiny bit iffy.

"You watch me on your TV.
Say that my
job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.
But you can't judge me 'till you walked a mile in my bowling shoes.
So I don't get all the ladies.
And my clothes are from the 80's
I am known throughout the valleys.
As the prophet of alleys.
And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling god."

Check out Joey's manly form with the ball and the ladies.

Yep, these here are some of the fine men of our night....

First off we have Robert with his quite redneck t-shirt and c_ck necklace. Whooo doggie.

Up next is Jimmie, don't get your hopes up ladies, he's taken too.

And finally, Joey and his c_ck.

Then there are the ladies....
Me and Sara, the only 21 year old I would adopt. Except perhaps a pool boy named Julio.

Dez, 92 pounds and a bundle of energy, and Darlene, one of my sweetest friends.

Joey and me.

Joey and Sara.

Me, Tracy and Joey. Joey and I got in a lot of photos evidently.


Leslie said...

I just dont know where to start. you are such a damn hoot! You just crack me up. Seriously laughing out loud.."not very feminine women" oh my..I almost tinkled in my pants!!!!

Lisa said...

What a funny post! My husband and I are actually in a neighborhood bowking league. There are about 30 couples and the food, drink and socializing are more fun than the bowling. Happy Holidays to you!