Today is my sons birthday.
Shea is 33.
He is also my oldest child.
And the one who taught me love.
I never thought about having children.
I was never really around them.
Being raised as an only child you play by yourself a lot.
At 22 I found out I was pregnant.
God decided for me that I would be a mother.
God always knows best.
My son was born at 32 weeks.
He was so tiny I cried.
3 pounds 8 ounces.
God is always by our side.
It is amazing how deeply you fall in love with a child.
You look at them and your heart actually feels like it is melting.
Shea became my whole world, my reason for each day.
He changed who I was as a person.
Nothing was about me anymore.
Everything was about him from the moment he was born.
I loved how much joy this little boy brought to my life.
I needed joy.
We played for hours and hours.
Shea was a total boy.
He loved balls and had a probably 25 or so.
He mostly loved to throw them over the short fence.
And then he would come get me to go around the house into the orchard and throw them all back.
Then we would start the game all over.
I miss that time so much.
A mother never stops loving her children.
We cradle them in our hearts.
We pray.
We trust in God.
I wish I could have been the perfect mother, I wish I had made all the right decisions, I wish I could go back in time.
But I look at my son today, the struggles he has overcome, the lessons he has learned, the changes he has made and is making, the man he is turning into, and I am so very proud of him.
Some people say 'everything happens for a reason'.
That doesn't make any sense to me.
We have free will.
God has mercy, forgiveness and blessings.
Shea has taught me 'Faith, Hope and Love'.
All three are true.
I love you Shea, more than you will ever know.
Happy Birthday!
I hope it is full of sunshine, laughter, joy, hope, and most of all peace.
I hope it is full of sunshine, laughter, joy, hope, and most of all peace.
